Finals

I did it. I completed my first semester of graduate school. It was touch and go there for a minute, but once I found my stride, I had great fun and allowed myself to embrace being a real artist. I took a Feltmaking class and an Independent Study. Feltmaking was pretty amazing-there's something kind of magical about taking a bunch of wool fluff and turning it into whatever you want. My class was given a full month to work on our felt final. While my midterm project was really different from what I normally do, my final was very much like the rest of my work in that the structure was very repetitive and some might describe the whole thing as obsessive. I can't help it. That's just the kind of thing I like to do.

Felt pods in process

To get started, I made over 100 felt pods. I constructed them by winding natural colored wool roving over ping pong balls and, after felting them and allowing them to dry, I cut them in half, thus forming two little bowl shapes. Once they were off the ping pong ball, I finished felting the pods and allowed them to dry. The way I describe making them sounds simple but, trust me, it took so long and my hands spent so much time submerged in hot water and soap that I thought all the skin on them would fall off. Seriously, the tips of my fingers were blistered.


After I finished felting all the pods, the next step was to sew them together. I sewed them by hand, of course. I thought the individual pieces would look more round once they were all connected, but they took on kind of a honeycomb shape, which I think ended up working really well.

The front and back, after pods were sewn together

The concave side of the piece was intended to hold many, unique miniature sculptures. I like working small,

Paper sculptures in process

so this was the perfect project for me. I used mostly paper to construct them, as well as thread, wood, metal, and adhesive, among other things. I'm really pleased with how the little sculptures came out, so I'll likely make more of them in the future. It's interesting the shapes you can make with just scraps and glue.

Once I finished making the paper sculptures, I inserted them into the base piece and glued them into place. For my final critique, I hung the piece from the ceiling with fishing line so that it appeared to hover in mid-air and people could walk around the piece to view both sides. I spent so much time putting all of this together, probably more time than I've ever spent on any individual project, that I was definitely short on sleep in that week leading up to final critique, but it was all worth it. And I'd like to thank my wonderful feltmaking teacher, the lovely Dena Gershon, for helping me through all of our projects. She's a patient and inspiring teacher and I feel lucky for having the opportunity to learn from her.

Inserting the paper sculptures

My independent study class was interesting because I was allowed to make pretty much whatever I felt like. Once I finished a piece, I got to present it to the other grad students. It was really helpful to get meaningful feedback from them and it's so nice to be back working in a community with other artists. I mostly stuck to working with paper for that class, as it's the medium I'm most interested in. While I was able to combine the paper with felt in my feltmaking class, the paper pretty much stood on its own for independent study. My favorite piece turned out to be a sort of net I made out of thread and strips of paper with hand drawn hash marks on them. The picture doesn't do it justice, but I'm sure there are many more iterations of this one to come.

I'm pleased to say that I'm a straight A student and I have a lot of great ideas to work on in the future. I'm on break for a few weeks now and, although I'm grateful for this much-needed time off, I'm actually already looking forward to next semester. I'm taking another independent study as well as an art history class on Dada and Surrealism. I hope I have as much enthusiasm and fun as I did this semester. It's weird how I planned on going to school for so long and now I'm already finished with one semester. When long-term plans become a reality it's kind of surreal. But here I am, doing what I love and moving ahead. I couldn't be happier.

Mid-Term Project and Exhibit

To say that I have been busy over the past few months is an understatement. Between work and school and projects I had little free time and that free time was mostly spent sleeping. Now that I'm on break, it's time to play catch up. First, a review of my Feltmaking mid-term and some words about the exhibition I was in. I'll cover my final projects in another post since I have too much ground to cover. Next semester I'll have to be better about keeping up with the blog.

Laying out the wool roving for the base

The semester was amazing. Given that I was completely terrified about what was ahead the first couple of weeks of class, I was doubtful that things would turn out okay. But once I settled in I actually started to enjoy myself. By midterms I was really getting into classes and I made this really cool felt sculpture that looks kind of like a tentacled monster. Here it is, step-by-step.

Pre-Felt stage and adding felted spikes

I first felted the base of the project, laying it out flat. I knew I wanted the final piece to be sculptural but I decided to work flat and insert wire later on for shape. Once I laid the roving out, I pre-felted it and added felted spikes once the base dried. The spikes were insert from the inside out since the inside wouldn't be visible when the piece was complete.

Inserting rubber tubing as a resist

When I finished inserting all the spikes I began to sew in some rubber tubing as a resist. With the tubing in place, I could later come back and insert wire to form the piece into something three dimensional. This was by far the most time-consuming step of the project. Not only did I have to carefully hand-sew each of the lengths of tubing in so they wouldn't move around once I felted another layer over them, but I then had to remove all the stitches once they were secured so it wasn't visible from the outside.

The legs in their pre-felted stage.

Then it was on to the legs. The legs you see here are actually the second set I made. The first set didn't come together as nicely as I would have liked and I spent so much time and effort on the base of the project that I didn't want to ruin it all by attaching legs to it that didn't fit my high standard of quality. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing right, right? Anyway, I constructed the legs by winding the wool roving around some flexible armature wire. I did two layers of contrasting colors so that I could cut multicolored stripes into them after the pre-felt stage.                        



Once the legs were finished and dry, I was able to start assembling the finished piece. I cut holes in the

Assembling the finished piece

middle of the base and threaded the legs through. After that, I flipped the piece over and sewed the petal structures together so it would form a sort of pod shape. It didn't turn out exactly like I thought it would, which was a little disappointing, but I did learn a lot while creating this piece. Sometimes messing up is the best lesson there is. I intended for the petals to all come up into a point, but the structure was too wide for them to all come together, so it wound up being open on top. Next time I'll make a better pattern so things match up the way I envision them.  I also would have liked the legs to support the pod but they weren't strong enough in the end. Next time I'll use a thicker gauge wire.

Finished piece, top view

 In any case, I really like the finished piece, flaws and all. It's something I worked really hard on and it's completely different than anything I've ever made before. It was nice to get out of my comfort zone and attempt something totally new. Although this piece was quite a departure from my normal style of art, I do like it and I see myself making similar items in the future.

Finished piece, side view

Around the time I was working on this felt piece, I also had the chance to be part of the Morgan Conservatory's annual open house exhibition and silent auction. I donated a piece made entirely of origami folded paper, sewn onto a 2ft by 2ft canvas. I made the piece over the summer and was so proud to finally see it displayed for all to see. The open house was great fun, with live music and amazing food and my piece even got auctioned for a respectable amount. I already can't wait for next year's event.

Me, smiling next to my lovely piece

I'm Dyeing!

Dyed balls of wool roving

Week two of school went much more smoothly than week one. It was a short week because of Labor Day and I actually got to enjoy a full weekend since the library was closed for the holiday. I think the time off did me some good and better prepared me for the semester ahead. I was able to calm down, get some rest, and stop freaking out. And I had a chance to work on a couple of experiments for possible projects, just to kind of get the creative juices flowing.


For my feltmaking class we're focusing on dyeing our wool roving that we'll be using for future projects. We learned two different dying techniques, both using acid dyes. The first was a relatively quick, low-water, rainbow dye technique that we used the microwave to heat our roving in to set the dye. The second was an immersion dye method, where we simmered the wool and dye in big pots on the stove. It takes much longer but it produces much more even, consistent results, if that's what you're going for.

Pots of dye and roving simmer on the stove top.

 In the coming week I hope to get going with some actual felting projects and I have a meeting planned with my advisor to talk about my plans for the semester and for the program in general. I have so many ideas that it feels difficult to choose just a few to work on at a time. No worries, though, I've already thrown myself head first into a piece that I think is going to spark a whole series of similar pieces.

Tubs of roving sit to rinse and cool.

 Anyhow, it feels good to put the self-doubt and fear aside and just work in the studio. I'm starting to feel excited about all the possibilities that lie ahead and I think things are going to work out just fine. I owe a debt to all my friends and family who offered me kind words when I needed them most. I couldn't do this without them and I truly feel lucky to have them in my life and to have this opportunity to kick ass in grad school and make them all proud.

First Week of School: It's Complicated

I made it through my very first week of grad school, but just barely. I was very excited to start. After all, I've been saying that I "eventually want to get my MFA" for about ten years now and it's strange to actually be starting down that road. I don't think I could have ever mentally prepared myself for the journey, though.

Monday was fine, since I took the day off work in order to spend the morning sipping coffee, walking the dog, and reading a good book. Class went well and I got to choose a studio space and I went home feeling tired but happy. But then Wednesday happened. Wednesday was kind of a shit storm. I had to work from 9:00-1:00 and then race out to Kent (an hour away), find a parking space, and be in class by 2:15. I sped the whole way, clumsily eating my lunch in the car, and arrived on campus with a good 20 minutes to park and get to class. I would've been on time, early even, if there were actually any parking spaces near the textile studio. Myself and about a dozen other people circled the lot, all of us looking for an empty spot that didn't exist. My only option was to drive to the other commuter lot, all the way on the other side of the campus. Not only was I not quite sure how to get there, but there was also construction going on and therefore, an annoying traffic jam in addition to countless undergraduate pedestrians that kept crossing the road in front of me, forcing me to stop so as to avoid going to prison for vehicular manslaughter. By the time I made it to the other parking lot, I was halfway to hysterical. I parked, grabbed my stuff and hauled ass to class, only I still wasn't quite sure of the most direct route to my building from where I was. I was half running, half walking as fast as I could because my back and knees were killing me (I'm not that old! Why am I so achy?!) and I felt like I couldn't breathe because I was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack (running late and being lost are two things that always set me off). By the time I finally made it to class, I was only about five minutes late and hadn't really missed anything, but I was also out of breath and sweating like a pig. Miraculously, I was able to calm down and enjoy my feltmaking class. We learned how to dye some of the wool roving that we're working with and we worked on some felting, as well. I ended up staying after class for two hours to get some work done and by the time I was finished I was completely exhausted. It's strange how when my mind and body are occupied with a task, I can keep going, but as soon as I take a little break, I'm done for, completely devoid of energy. But I mustered what little energy I had left and, again, I walked all the way across campus to the parking lot. Of course, when I got there, I realized that, in my panic to get to class on time, I completely forgot to make a mental note of exactly where I parked my car in this endless, sprawling lot. So I wandered around like an idiot until I spotted my ride, got in, and drove the hour home in a sort of half-conscious daze, totally on auto-pilot, all the while negative thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts that I should just drop out now, that I'm not going to be able to possibly maintain this kind of a schedule for the next several years if I feel this way after only a couple of days, that I can be an artist on my own terms, I don't need a piece of paper to make it official, that I should cut my losses and spend money on fantastic vacations instead of giving this university everything I've got in the hopes that I might be able to find a job upon graduation (yeah, right). It was a sort of flight or flight response and my instinct was to fly away as quickly possible.

Luckily, Friday was a little better. I didn't have to work that day, so I was able to go directly to school with plenty of time to park and get situated. It was the first session of my seminar/independent study class. Basically, all the textile students get together for discussion and critique, followed by time spent in the studio. It sounds simple enough but we went over all of the requirements and expectations for the entire semester and my head was absolutely spinning. All of us also had to show a piece of ours as an introduction to the kind of work we'll be doing throughout the semester, and it was immediately obvious that I was surrounded by a lot of very talented artists. It was intimidating. One of my studio mates is a Fulbright Scholar, for chrissakes. I felt like a total hack amongst all that talent.

This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I've only made it through my first week of graduate school and already I have these lovely little bruise-like circles under my eyes and the glazed over, far off gaze and shuffling gait of a zombie. I have never been so overwhelmed and terrified in my entire life. What the hell was I thinking?! I'm running myself ragged all in the pursuit of some crazy dream of being a professional artist! It would be so much easier to just give up, it really would. I could use a nap. BUT! Let me tell you something. I have never been a quitter. I am a stubborn and determined person, it's just the way I am. Amidst  the urge to give up, this little voice of reason was asking me to consider what would actually happen if I dropped out, went back to my comfort zone. It told me that I'd be stuck in the job that I hate indefinitely, that not going ahead with school would narrow my options, that I would feel hopeless, that I would be more disappointed in myself than I have ever been, and that just because things are hard now doesn't mean I won't settle into it in time, find a rhythm.

The good news is that school itself is not the issue. It's trying to work full-time and go to school at a campus that is an hour away. I find myself wondering how I will ever fit it all in, juggle this crazy schedule. Believe me, if I could attend school somewhere closer, I would, but Kent is the only school in Northeast Ohio with an MFA program, which seems ridiculous (Cleveland State, I'm looking at you) and their textile program is really amazing. It's sad that my gut reaction to the stress and chaos is to give up on something that I've dreamed of doing for many years. Give up on something that means more to me than anything. Shouldn't I be thinking about quitting an unrewarding job that I'm sick of to make more room for the things I am unwaveringly passionate about? Well, I wish I could. But let's face the facts, I have bills to pay. Not working is not an option. If only they would double my salary so I could cut my hours in half. I'm going to have to figure something else out but until I figure out what that something is, I'll just have to keep reminding myself that I'm tough and I can do this, I can do this, I CAN DO THIS!

Small Beginnings...

I've been spending my free time working on a bunch of different projects, a little at a time. I've found I get the most done when I break things up into small tasks, otherwise I get too overwhelmed and intimidated by the big picture. Right now I have little beginnings of projects all over the place, including the coffee table, mantel, studio, and dining room table. My husband is a good man-he doesn't even complain about eating dinner surrounded by scraps of paper and random projects in varying states of completion. 

I'm working on my submission for the Morgan's annual open house and silent auction, as well as a submission for Loganberry Books' altered book Octavofest show and competition. I'll post pictures here when they're complete.

I'm also mentally preparing myself for school. I can't believe classes start in one week. I've been planning to go to school for the longest time and now it's finally here. It always seemed like one of those things that was going to happen far away in the future. It's surreal that the future I've been dreaming of is now my current reality.

I had orientation this morning, which was informative but, honestly, kind of overwhelming. It finally dawned on me what a huge undertaking this is and how this will dominate my life for the next three or four years. It's kind of terrifying. But, I'll do what I always do when faced with something big and seemingly insurmountable-I'll take a deep breath and do things one little bit at a time.

 I'll admit it. Last week was pretty rough. The husband was out of town for work and not only did my employer refuse my new proposed schedule that would allow me flexibility when I start school, I also did not get into the art exhibition I applied for. Let me elaborate. 

First, let me just say that I knew it wouldn't be easy going back to school while working full-time. But I had no doubt it was the right thing to do. Making the decision to go back to school was easy. There's nothing I'm more passionate about than my art and I don't want to do anything else with my life. Not only will getting my MFA give my work credibility, it'll allow me to teach art at the college level, as well, something I think I'll really love. The obvious thing to do was to go for it, fully and completely. And while going back for my MFA is a dream come true for me, my actual dream involves being independently wealthy and not having to work while taking classes. Unfortunately, this is not a reality. Since I'm not rich and refuse to take out any more student loans, which would be financially disastrous in the long run, I have to work as many hours as possible to still be able to pay bills and tuition. I had a plan all worked out, where if I were allowed to work two twelve hour shifts, I'd still be able to get in my forty hours a week, working five days. My supervisor and department manager had no problem with this plan. However, this solution was immediately shot down by The Man in Charge. I was told it would "set a precedent" and he didn't want other employees approaching him with similar requests.And while they would not approve a couple of twelve hour shifts, they will allow me to work six or seven days a week, if need be. Gee, thanks. Bottom line, they're more concerned with what might happen if they accommodate my request than me as a person and my quality of life. I guess he doesn't want to "set a precedent" for actually treating his employees well.

I have to say, I feel completely let down and betrayed. This is an employer I have worked for for almost six years now and I assumed that education would be looked at as an important thing. Their refusal to be flexible puts me in a really difficult situation. I can switch to part-time where I'm at and make less money and earn fewer vacation days for it and be even more strapped for cash than I already am or I can work six days a week while going to school and basically never see my husband or have time to actually work on my school projects.  It's a lose-lose situation.

Luckily, I had already planned on taking most of last week off, so after all this frustration, I was able to stay home for the rest of the week, which was a good thing, since my attitude following this incident was less than cheerful. Staying home was supposed to be relaxing and I did initially get some good work done on my current art projects, but then on Thursday, word came back about the show I applied to. And the news was not good. Neither of the two pieces I submitted got in.  I was feeling really confident that at least one of the two would make the cut, so I was pretty shocked about not getting in at all. And despite the fact that I feel really good about the work I'm doing right now, the rejection still sent a powerful wave of self-doubt through me. Honestly, I know that rejection is a part of life and I've certainly experienced my fair share of it. But it still stings. I did feel a little better, though, after picking my pieces up and being told to keep trying. Even though the guest judges didn't choose my work for the show, the people at The Morgan still like my work and want me to keep going with it, which is encouraging.

Needless to say, I was kind of down after all that. I spent a couple of days brooding. But life goes on. You get up and brush yourself off and continue on. I don't have a solution right now. All I can do at this point is just keep going and have faith that everything will work out. I won't abandon my dream of going to school and being a professional artist. If there's one thing I am, it's persistent.I will make this work, even if things get worse before they get better. Things do not always go as planned and I think it's important to chronicle my struggles here as well as my triumphs. Down the road I'll be able to look back and feel proud of all the obstacles I've overcome in the pursuit of my dreams.

Gallery Submissions

The folded circles

I've spent the better part of the past two weeks working on a couple of submissions for The Morgan's inaugural juried exhibition. Pieces had to either be done on paper or consist of at least 50% paper. Each of my pieces were made of paper attached to canvas, and while they were made of the same material, the two couldn't be more different.

The first piece is called Blank Botanical #1. I folded many hundreds of these small paper circles and strung them onto linen bookbinding thread, and then I sewed the strands onto a plain white, 2ft by 2ft canvas. The result is overwhelmingly sculptural. The more strands I sewed onto the canvas, the more textured and layered it became. And although the pieces that I attached were all white, I used different shades of white to get a variety of tones in the piece.

A detail of the finished Blank Botanical #1 piece

The strips all prepped and ready to be attached to the canvas

The second piece consisted of hundreds of little strips of paper. I drew repetitive lines all over these pieces and then glued them onto a long, narrow white canvas in rows. The shape of the canvas itself is similar to the shape of the pieces of paper, and also to the shape of the lines I drew on the paper. I call it Line Study #3 and it's a design I've been working with for quite a while now and plan on continuing with. As you can see, a lot of my work deals with repetition and my techniques tend to be pretty labor intensive. The Blank Botanical piece took somewhere around 40 hours of work and I estimate my Line Study piece took about 15 hours. I often joke that I don't like to work on anything that's not obsessive. Most people who see me work on these things just think I'm nuts because, to them, that kind of tedious task would drive them crazy. But it's just the opposite for me. I find the work to be meditative, and for this reason I find the method to be as important as the final result.

Anyway, after all that I hope at least one of the pieces gets into the show. I love The Morgan and it's because of them that I work so much with paper lately. It would be a real honor to have a piece of mine included in their first juried show and, let's be honest, the exposure would be great. I'll keep my fingers crossed. 

On Being a Photographer

 I made the decision last week to include some of my photography in my Etsy shop. I was hesitant to do so, simply because I thought it would give my shop a less cohesive look; it seemed odd to add photographs to a shop that specializes in book and paper arts. However, I came to the conclusion that the shop is not just about the products I'm making to sell, it's about me as an artist. If that makes my shop seem scattered and unfocused, it's because my career as an artist has been such, and I embrace and celebrate that. It's not that I don't stick to my projects, it's that I'm always wanting to expand my skills and knowledge and I find learning about new techniques and tools really sparks my creativity. Every time I take a workshop or class, my work moves forward in a new direction and I grow as an artist. In short, my work is eclectic and mixed media.

As for the photography, I feel it's a really big part of my body of work that almost no one gets to see because I don't put it out there. I've been a photographer for over 15 years now (how the time has flown!), have a Bachelor's degree in the subject, and it's something I still really love doing, even if doing my serious work is generally relegated to vacation time. Traveling to new places is inspiring and I'm always sure to dust off the camera and shoot like it's going out of style when I'm on the road, but rarely do I do so at home. Perhaps posting my prints on Etsy will encourage me to bust out the camera (the real camera, not just the one on my iphone) and shoot close to home instead of waiting to travel to do so.

I think one reason I haven't shown my photographs to very many people or made any attempt to show my
photographic work in a gallery is because it seems everyone thinks they're a photographer now. With the

advent of digital cameras and smart phones putting cameras at every person's fingertips, the role of the professional photographer has been diminished. It's great that we all have the means to document the world around us but I don't think that should discount the fact that some people have a natural eye for framing a shot or picking out an interesting scene. In any case, it's not stopping me from shooting and now, here I am, putting it out there.

Open for Business

It took me a long time, almost two years, in fact, to finally take this handy little Zutter binding machine out of its box and learn how to use it. I don't know what I was waiting for. I mean, it's pink. And tiny. How intimidating could it be? But I thought it might be difficult and frustrating to learn how to use it, so I just didn't use it at all. It couldn't have been easier, though. I just watched the brief instructional DVD it came with and I was almost immediately spiral binding like a pro.


Learning how to use the binding machine coincided with finally re-opening my Etsy shop. It's been closed since my back surgery a year and a half ago. I was thinking about re-opening it for quite some and I was racking my brain trying to think of new product ideas to re-launch with. But instead of holding out for theoretical new products, I decided to just start where I was, and I reopened the shop with the remaining inventory I had kicking around from when I shut it down in January of 2012. The re-opening of my shop proved to be inspiring, hence digging out the binding machine. I got to work making a bunch of these adorable mini spiral bound notebooks, which you can snap up in my shop for a mere $10. More designs and sizes are soon to come.

I'm Back

A lot has happened since my last post. Despite my silence here I've actually been more productive than I have been in a long time, possibly ever. Last summer I took several workshops at the Morgan Conservatory and I just completed another last month. They taught me lots of new skills and transformed my work, which is the reason I keep going back there year after year for these workshops. I don't know where I'd be without these workshops and without the Morgan.

Encaustic Lines (portfolio piece)

I also had work in two different shows. The first show was the Morgan's annual open house and silent auction. I have to say, it was the event of the year. Not only did I get to see my work in a gallery for the first time in too many years, but there was great food, music, and people. I also participated in Cleveland State University's annual People's Art Show. Since the show wasn't juried, there were hundreds of entries and everyone who applied got in. The art was displayed literally from floor to ceiling, covering every inch of bare wall. It was interesting to see the variety of work and there was a great turnout at the opening. I expect to do both of these shows next time around.

In other news, my husband and I bought a house and moved in January. I've never properly settled in anywhere we've lived before because I never saw the point in getting too comfortable when we would inevitably move again. I always joked that I was probably the only artist around who had bare walls. But now that we have our own place I have settled quickly and completely, the urge to nest has taken me over. There's plenty of art on the walls, there's a place for everything, and I feel so safe and comfortable there. As soon as we looked at the place I knew we had to buy it. It just felt right. Not only did it seem like a miracle to get out of our previous living situation, having a place of our own has been really good for my creativity. Now that I've got a permanent, comfortable place for my studio, I feel there's no stopping me.

Home Sweet Home

 In addition to buying my first home, which is a milestone in its own right, I also applied to graduate school. Although I already have my Master's degree in Library and Information Science, I always said that some day I wanted to go back and get my Master's of Fine Arts. Dissatisfaction with my job and a perpetual lack of other opportunities made me decide that there was no time like the present. So, in the midst of packing and moving from our apartment, I was able to somehow get my act together and submit a portfolio and application to Kent State. And luckily, they liked what I had to show them. I was accepted into their Textiles program for this coming Fall, which is equal parts exciting and terrifying. It's going to be a struggle financially and I'm going to be insanely busy with both school and work, and it's going to take forever, since I can only afford to go part time (more student loan debt is NOT an option) but I know it's going to be worth it. It's become so clear to me that the right thing to do is follow my passion.

Abaca Fiber Horn (portfolio piece)

If there's anything the last six months or so have taught me is that things can change so quickly. A year ago I was miserable. I hated my job, I couldn't stand my living situation, and I was clinically depressed. But now I have a home of my own, I have graduate school to look forward to, and I'm happier now than I've ever been. I still hate my job but with school starting in just under two months, my focus has shifted and I've become more mindful of all the positive things in my life. I think this is the start of many good things.