I'll admit it. Last week was pretty rough. The husband was out of town for work and not only did my employer refuse my new proposed schedule that would allow me flexibility when I start school, I also did not get into the art exhibition I applied for. Let me elaborate. 

First, let me just say that I knew it wouldn't be easy going back to school while working full-time. But I had no doubt it was the right thing to do. Making the decision to go back to school was easy. There's nothing I'm more passionate about than my art and I don't want to do anything else with my life. Not only will getting my MFA give my work credibility, it'll allow me to teach art at the college level, as well, something I think I'll really love. The obvious thing to do was to go for it, fully and completely. And while going back for my MFA is a dream come true for me, my actual dream involves being independently wealthy and not having to work while taking classes. Unfortunately, this is not a reality. Since I'm not rich and refuse to take out any more student loans, which would be financially disastrous in the long run, I have to work as many hours as possible to still be able to pay bills and tuition. I had a plan all worked out, where if I were allowed to work two twelve hour shifts, I'd still be able to get in my forty hours a week, working five days. My supervisor and department manager had no problem with this plan. However, this solution was immediately shot down by The Man in Charge. I was told it would "set a precedent" and he didn't want other employees approaching him with similar requests.And while they would not approve a couple of twelve hour shifts, they will allow me to work six or seven days a week, if need be. Gee, thanks. Bottom line, they're more concerned with what might happen if they accommodate my request than me as a person and my quality of life. I guess he doesn't want to "set a precedent" for actually treating his employees well.

I have to say, I feel completely let down and betrayed. This is an employer I have worked for for almost six years now and I assumed that education would be looked at as an important thing. Their refusal to be flexible puts me in a really difficult situation. I can switch to part-time where I'm at and make less money and earn fewer vacation days for it and be even more strapped for cash than I already am or I can work six days a week while going to school and basically never see my husband or have time to actually work on my school projects.  It's a lose-lose situation.

Luckily, I had already planned on taking most of last week off, so after all this frustration, I was able to stay home for the rest of the week, which was a good thing, since my attitude following this incident was less than cheerful. Staying home was supposed to be relaxing and I did initially get some good work done on my current art projects, but then on Thursday, word came back about the show I applied to. And the news was not good. Neither of the two pieces I submitted got in.  I was feeling really confident that at least one of the two would make the cut, so I was pretty shocked about not getting in at all. And despite the fact that I feel really good about the work I'm doing right now, the rejection still sent a powerful wave of self-doubt through me. Honestly, I know that rejection is a part of life and I've certainly experienced my fair share of it. But it still stings. I did feel a little better, though, after picking my pieces up and being told to keep trying. Even though the guest judges didn't choose my work for the show, the people at The Morgan still like my work and want me to keep going with it, which is encouraging.

Needless to say, I was kind of down after all that. I spent a couple of days brooding. But life goes on. You get up and brush yourself off and continue on. I don't have a solution right now. All I can do at this point is just keep going and have faith that everything will work out. I won't abandon my dream of going to school and being a professional artist. If there's one thing I am, it's persistent.I will make this work, even if things get worse before they get better. Things do not always go as planned and I think it's important to chronicle my struggles here as well as my triumphs. Down the road I'll be able to look back and feel proud of all the obstacles I've overcome in the pursuit of my dreams.