Why the long silence? There are a number of reasons but the most obvious answer is that I haven't been creating anything, which makes me feel a little ashamed of myself. I feel like a total hack. How can one be an artist without making anything? But I at least have some good excuses.
Back in June I was made a full-time employee at the library. While this move proved good for paying bills, it obviously cut into my free time. Where I used to relish in day-long creative journeys, I now spend time answering questions at the reference desk. Arts and crafts are relegated to after work hours and the rare weekend off. And to be honest, all I want to do when I get home from work is nothing.
In addition to working forty hours a week, I've been doing battle with a number of health problems, most notably, the herniated disk in my lower back. The condition is not only incredibly painful but can be quite debilitating, as well. Some days I can hardly walk or even stand. The side effect of chronic pain and the inability to do all the activities I want to do is depression. I'm prone to feeling down as it is. Adding this to the mix only makes a positive frame of mind that much harder to maintain. It's exhausting just to go about my normal routine.When I'm not at work these days, I'm usually sprawled on the couch, watching television and eating junk food with the dog.
Since my back has not improved with months of non-surgical treatment, I've decided to go under the knife. Tuesday is the day and, to be honest, I'm looking forward to it. I am, of course, a little nervous, but I've been in pain every single day for the last five months and I'm excited to finally start feeling better. I guess I've always taken my good health for granted but not anymore. If anything, I've developed a new found appreciation for it. I'm inclined to take up tap dancing or something once I'm healed just to express the joy I feel at being able to move freely and without pain.
I'll be out of commission for about six weeks following my surgery but I'm hoping to find some creative project I can work on while bed ridden. And after that, I hope to return to my normal, productive self. In the meantime, I'm focusing on getting well.
