One Year Down

My Spring semester is over, which is hard to believe (where did the time go?) but even more unbelievable is that fact that I have completed my first year of graduate school. It seems like only yesterday that I was wondering what I had gotten myself into and having anxiety attacks about whether or not I could hack it as an art student. I'm happy to report that this first year has gone better than expected and, even though it will likely take several more years to complete the degree, that's alright with me because I actually like what I'm doing. For once in my life, I'm not rushing through to get to the next thing, I'm enjoying the journey. Without a doubt, I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be. 

Now that I'm off school for the Summer I actually get to have one day off a week and I must admit, I don't really know what to do with myself. Yes, I have plenty of things I could work on, but not having that nagging feeling that I have some kind of looming deadline is a little odd, but I also feel lighter and more well-rested. I'm definitely going to throw myself into some new projects this Summer, though. Not having to produce work for class gives me a little more freedom to experiment and I'm excited to see what comes out of that. 

Anyway, I'm still keeping busy between work and my apprenticeship at the Morgan. I'm already halfway done with the apprenticeship, which is actually something that makes me incredibly sad. I love being there so much that I don't want to leave. I love every bit of my work there. Today Aimee and I went to Home Depot to get 12 bags of potting soil for the garden. Not only was it the hottest day we've had yet this season, but we loaded those heavy bags into two shopping carts and then into the car on our own. I was covered in dirt and sweat and it was tiring but I found it wholly satisfying. Working with my hands is engaging and I like that I get tangible results from the work I do- I put the time and effort in and I end up with beautiful, simple paper. I wish I could spend all my days at the Morgan making paper. It feels right, it feels like home. I am a papermaker. 

All Work and No Play

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. While I enjoyed the week off of school for Spring Break, I'm dying for something more substantial-a real vacation or maybe just some days off where I don't actually have any obligations or errands to tend to. I spent most of my break playing catch up on things for class and working at the Morgan. I indulged in a little reading for pleasure, a rarity these days, as I'm usually stuck with my nose in a textbook, and I even got a few workouts in, hoping that more regular exercise will give me the extra energy that I so desperately need.

Even though I got a lot done, if I'm being completely honest, I procrastinated on a few things as well, namely, my research paper for the Dada and Surrealism class I'm taking. In fact, I'm putting off working on my paper in favor of writing this blog instead. I hate writing research papers. Not because of the writing part, that part is usually pretty easy for me, but I'm terrible at the length part. I'm better at saying what I want to say in as few words as possible than I am at reaching some pre-set page limit. Anyway, the deadline for this paper is rapidly approaching and there is only a little more than a month left of the semester, which means I'm starting to really feel the pressure. I'd like to just buckle down and get some serious work done on this paper and on my pieces that will be due when I have final critique, but in order to settle in for a good long chunk of productive work, one needs free time. I don't have free time, so I'm trying to squeeze everything in during the couple of hours I might have in the morning if I get up early enough or in the evening, after I'm already mentally a physically exhausted from work, school, the apprenticeship, life in general, etc. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Probably. Am I going to make it through? Absolutely. Because there is no other choice. I'd cry about it, but that would just take too much time. In the meantime, I'm just going to have to deal with feeling overwhelmed and fighting the growing urge to blow everything off and quit these responsibilities in favor of napping on the couch with the dog, eating chips and watching television in my pajamas.

Working With My Hands

I'm officially on Spring break, and not a moment too soon. I don't know if it's this never ending Winter or the fact that I'm over-committed and overwhelmed, but I can never seem to get enough sleep. I'm planning on catching up over break, as well as attempting to finish some projects for class. Hopefully, productivity won't get overlooked in favor of nap time.

Even though it's officially Spring according to the calendar, the snow still falls and I feel like I'll be wearing my giant down parka forever. We've had a few nice days, though. On Tuesday Ivey and I took our lunch out on the stoop at the Morgan and ate with the wonderfully warm sun shining on our faces. It's important to enjoy each nice day as it comes.

After lunch, we started planting Tororo-Aoi seeds. Tororo can be used as a formation aid in Eastern papermaking. A formation aid is necessary in order to keep the fibers suspended evenly in the vat so that uniform sheets can be pulled without having to constantly stir. We've been using PMP, a synthetic formation aid, thus far, but the Tororo seeds should eventually turn into something we can use as a natural formation aid.

Ivey and I also worked on gluing, plugging, sanding, and varnishing the papermaking frames that Tom made. All the sawdust and elbow grease made me feel very industrious. It also reminded me of my grandpa, who was an amazing, self-taught woodworker and enthusiastic gardener. I feel like I'm following in his footsteps, and I'm learning how much I really love working with my hands. There's something wholly satisfying about putting your hands in the dirt or making something that serves a purpose. It makes one feel self-sufficient and able, something I think I lost along the way while working at a desk all the time, staring at a computer. I love every bit of working at the Morgan because I'm always learning something new and I'm using both my brains and body. I can feel myself growing stronger from lifting buckets full of water and loading the hydraulic presses with heavy wooden boards. My body feels functional in a way that it hasn't since I had back surgery two years ago. Sitting all day at a desk like I do for my regular job makes my lower back ache. Physical labor makes me feel competent, empowered, and healthy. I even have a smile on my face while I'm scrubbing out vats and cleaning the pots we cook fiber in. Honestly, I could do this kind of work all day, every day and never tire of it.

Student Annual

 I am pleased to say that a piece I made was accepted into this year's student annual exhibition. The opening was last Thursday evening, so I drove out to Kent just to see it. I have to say, I was both impressed and humbled by the pieces I saw in the show. The work of my fellow students is absolutely amazing and I'm honored to be studying amongst such talent. Best in show went to my studio mate, Liz Debellis, and I couldn't be happier for her. Her weavings are gorgeous and it was so nice to see her work in the gallery. I get so used to seeing everyone's work hanging in the studio for critique, that it's kind of shocking to see it in another environment. It gives new life to the piece. I wish I could say the same for my piece. Seeing it in the gallery made it look so small and insignificant. It made me realize that I have a lot of work to do in order to keep up with my peers. While I don't like feeling badly about my work, I do appreciate the renewed sense of drive and dedication that comes from seeing what others around me are making. Besides, I don't have time to mope. I'm too busy trying to improve my work and giving it my all. The show will be up until the 20th of this month, so if you find yourself in the Kent area, stop by the School of Art Gallery and see all the wonderful work on display.

Friday morning, I headed to school early because we had a vising artist coming for a lecture, as well as generously giving us individual critiques. The artist is Andrea Donnelly, from Richmond, Virginia. She's an incredibly gifted weaver and such a nice person. She had a lot of great things to say about my work, as well as giving me some really spot on insight about it. After her lecture, all the textile students had a potluck for Andrea back at the studio, where we stuffed our faces and asked Andrea all kinds of questions about what it's like to be a working, professional artist. It was a really valuable experience and a great way to end a busy, stressful school week.

Letterpress

I can't believe I've been at my Eastern Papermaking apprenticeship for a full month now. The time is flying by and each day brings something new. Aimee has been an incredibly helpful and patient mentor and my papermaking skills are getting better all the time. Even from one day to the next, I can see myself improving. And by this point, I've scraped so much fiber that I'm pretty much an expert.

This Thursday morning, Ivey (my apprenticeship counterpart) and I got to come in before our shifts started so that Mason (studio assistant extraordinaire) could give us an orientation on the letterpress studio. While there was obviously a lot to cover, and printmaking has a whole vocabulary of its own, Mason was a good teacher and offered to help us with our projects when we're ready to actually print something. I just hope I can come up with an idea that's worthy of all the time and effort it takes to make a good print. Certainly, I'd like to start making books again soon, and the letterpress would be a great tool to actually make a printed book instead of just the blank books I've made in the past. Last summer I took a woodcut class at the Morgan with artist Andrij Maday, so I'll have to put my woodcut skills to use in order to make something to use on the press. That's probably more of a summer project, though, as I'm already over-committed with my current classes and projects.

Anyway, I think the most fun part of the letterpress orientation was getting to go through all the drawers of old wooden letters, etched illustrations, and stamps. This could definitely be the start of a whole new obsession for me.

Time Off

I had some days off this past weekend, Friday and Saturday, which were my first days off in five weeks. My first instinct was to stay home in my pajamas and lie around on the couch the whole time, but I ventured out instead.

I headed out to 78th Street Studios to check out some local art on Friday night. There were lots of great pieces there and I bumped into some friends and got to catch up with them. After that I went to the movies to see Monuments Men. The movie was entertaining, if a little cheesy at some points. Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself and stuffed my face with massive amounts of popcorn.

Mansfield Art Center

I slept in on Saturday morning and then grabbed some lunch at the West Side Market before heading out to Mansfield to see Rebecca Cross' show at the Mansfield Art Center. The show, called 'Liaisons' is a two-woman show, with Rebecca's pieces hanging alongside of painter Annette Poitau's canvases. Rebecca's pieces were amazing, as usual, and they looked good with Annette's paintings. It was nice to see them in such a great, open space.

Sunday it was back to business as usual and I don't anticipate any more time off until the end of March, when I'll have a brief respite for Spring break. While I'm grateful for the time off, sometimes I think I'm better off without a break. The more time off I have, the more I want. I guess I'll just have to keep going...

A Rebecca Cross piece from the Mansfield show 'Liaisons'

The Apprentice

A little more than a week ago I started my internship at the Morgan. Actually, it's more of an apprenticeship, as the work I'm doing is more focused than what a regular intern usually does. I'll be working exclusively with eastern papermaking and I'll be doing research and reading about  the history of the techniques related to my hands-on learning. I'm so excited to have Aimee Lee as my mentor and everyone at the Morgan is so nice and helpful.

On my first day, Aimee showed me around and then I got right to work scraping the bark of the kozo trees

Dried kozo bundles from Novermber's harvest

that were harvested at the Morgan in November. A local blacksmith dropped by that very morning to deliver a set of scraping knives he made for the Morgan, based on a prototype of a Korean knife Aimee had given him. I was the first person to try out one of the new knives and I am happy to report they worked quite well.
I also got to spend a good amount of time beating fiber, which is exactly what it sounds like. Literally, you stand there with some wooden mallets and beat on a wet clump of fiber that has already been scraped and cooked. The idea is to get the individual fibers to loosen and separate, but you don't want to cut them because the longer the fibers, the stronger the resulting paper will be.

Bundle of kozo fiber with mallet

Scraping kozo with the Morgan's new knife

 After spending my first day beating and scraping, I got to actually practice making some paper on my second and third days. It's a skill that's easy to pick up but I can tell it's going to take a while to master. But even though I'm new at it, it's nice to see a finished sheet after all the work I've put in so far.

Some people might find the repetitive work tedious but I find it kind of meditative. There's something calming about working with your hands and creating things that just feels right.

Between work and school and the apprenticeship, I don't have any days off, but I've been able to cut my hours at work in half to make more time doing the things that I love. My bank account may not be happy about it but it's good for the soul. It's funny how, when you're working really hard doing something you love, it becomes energizing rather than making you tired and drained. I'm working harder than I ever have and I honestly don't think I've ever been this happy in my entire life. On the days I go to the Morgan I wake up cheerful and excited to start my day and at the end of the day, when I drive myself home, exhausted from working on my feet  with my hands in cold water for hours on end, all I can think about is how completely lucky I am to be doing this. I feel fulfilled. There were times in my life where I never thought I would move forward, where I was either lost or stuck, or both, and I didn't have any hope for the future. But then I see that I've managed to get myself to a place where I can be content and take pleasure in the work that I'm doing. It just makes my heart sing. I feel so fortunate and grateful to be given the opportunity to work at the Morgan and to be Aimee's apprentice.