I'll admit it. Last week was pretty rough. The husband was out of town for work and not only did my employer refuse my new proposed schedule that would allow me flexibility when I start school, I also did not get into the art exhibition I applied for. Let me elaborate. 

First, let me just say that I knew it wouldn't be easy going back to school while working full-time. But I had no doubt it was the right thing to do. Making the decision to go back to school was easy. There's nothing I'm more passionate about than my art and I don't want to do anything else with my life. Not only will getting my MFA give my work credibility, it'll allow me to teach art at the college level, as well, something I think I'll really love. The obvious thing to do was to go for it, fully and completely. And while going back for my MFA is a dream come true for me, my actual dream involves being independently wealthy and not having to work while taking classes. Unfortunately, this is not a reality. Since I'm not rich and refuse to take out any more student loans, which would be financially disastrous in the long run, I have to work as many hours as possible to still be able to pay bills and tuition. I had a plan all worked out, where if I were allowed to work two twelve hour shifts, I'd still be able to get in my forty hours a week, working five days. My supervisor and department manager had no problem with this plan. However, this solution was immediately shot down by The Man in Charge. I was told it would "set a precedent" and he didn't want other employees approaching him with similar requests.And while they would not approve a couple of twelve hour shifts, they will allow me to work six or seven days a week, if need be. Gee, thanks. Bottom line, they're more concerned with what might happen if they accommodate my request than me as a person and my quality of life. I guess he doesn't want to "set a precedent" for actually treating his employees well.

I have to say, I feel completely let down and betrayed. This is an employer I have worked for for almost six years now and I assumed that education would be looked at as an important thing. Their refusal to be flexible puts me in a really difficult situation. I can switch to part-time where I'm at and make less money and earn fewer vacation days for it and be even more strapped for cash than I already am or I can work six days a week while going to school and basically never see my husband or have time to actually work on my school projects.  It's a lose-lose situation.

Luckily, I had already planned on taking most of last week off, so after all this frustration, I was able to stay home for the rest of the week, which was a good thing, since my attitude following this incident was less than cheerful. Staying home was supposed to be relaxing and I did initially get some good work done on my current art projects, but then on Thursday, word came back about the show I applied to. And the news was not good. Neither of the two pieces I submitted got in.  I was feeling really confident that at least one of the two would make the cut, so I was pretty shocked about not getting in at all. And despite the fact that I feel really good about the work I'm doing right now, the rejection still sent a powerful wave of self-doubt through me. Honestly, I know that rejection is a part of life and I've certainly experienced my fair share of it. But it still stings. I did feel a little better, though, after picking my pieces up and being told to keep trying. Even though the guest judges didn't choose my work for the show, the people at The Morgan still like my work and want me to keep going with it, which is encouraging.

Needless to say, I was kind of down after all that. I spent a couple of days brooding. But life goes on. You get up and brush yourself off and continue on. I don't have a solution right now. All I can do at this point is just keep going and have faith that everything will work out. I won't abandon my dream of going to school and being a professional artist. If there's one thing I am, it's persistent.I will make this work, even if things get worse before they get better. Things do not always go as planned and I think it's important to chronicle my struggles here as well as my triumphs. Down the road I'll be able to look back and feel proud of all the obstacles I've overcome in the pursuit of my dreams.

Gallery Submissions

The folded circles

I've spent the better part of the past two weeks working on a couple of submissions for The Morgan's inaugural juried exhibition. Pieces had to either be done on paper or consist of at least 50% paper. Each of my pieces were made of paper attached to canvas, and while they were made of the same material, the two couldn't be more different.

The first piece is called Blank Botanical #1. I folded many hundreds of these small paper circles and strung them onto linen bookbinding thread, and then I sewed the strands onto a plain white, 2ft by 2ft canvas. The result is overwhelmingly sculptural. The more strands I sewed onto the canvas, the more textured and layered it became. And although the pieces that I attached were all white, I used different shades of white to get a variety of tones in the piece.

A detail of the finished Blank Botanical #1 piece

The strips all prepped and ready to be attached to the canvas

The second piece consisted of hundreds of little strips of paper. I drew repetitive lines all over these pieces and then glued them onto a long, narrow white canvas in rows. The shape of the canvas itself is similar to the shape of the pieces of paper, and also to the shape of the lines I drew on the paper. I call it Line Study #3 and it's a design I've been working with for quite a while now and plan on continuing with. As you can see, a lot of my work deals with repetition and my techniques tend to be pretty labor intensive. The Blank Botanical piece took somewhere around 40 hours of work and I estimate my Line Study piece took about 15 hours. I often joke that I don't like to work on anything that's not obsessive. Most people who see me work on these things just think I'm nuts because, to them, that kind of tedious task would drive them crazy. But it's just the opposite for me. I find the work to be meditative, and for this reason I find the method to be as important as the final result.

Anyway, after all that I hope at least one of the pieces gets into the show. I love The Morgan and it's because of them that I work so much with paper lately. It would be a real honor to have a piece of mine included in their first juried show and, let's be honest, the exposure would be great. I'll keep my fingers crossed. 

On Being a Photographer

 I made the decision last week to include some of my photography in my Etsy shop. I was hesitant to do so, simply because I thought it would give my shop a less cohesive look; it seemed odd to add photographs to a shop that specializes in book and paper arts. However, I came to the conclusion that the shop is not just about the products I'm making to sell, it's about me as an artist. If that makes my shop seem scattered and unfocused, it's because my career as an artist has been such, and I embrace and celebrate that. It's not that I don't stick to my projects, it's that I'm always wanting to expand my skills and knowledge and I find learning about new techniques and tools really sparks my creativity. Every time I take a workshop or class, my work moves forward in a new direction and I grow as an artist. In short, my work is eclectic and mixed media.

As for the photography, I feel it's a really big part of my body of work that almost no one gets to see because I don't put it out there. I've been a photographer for over 15 years now (how the time has flown!), have a Bachelor's degree in the subject, and it's something I still really love doing, even if doing my serious work is generally relegated to vacation time. Traveling to new places is inspiring and I'm always sure to dust off the camera and shoot like it's going out of style when I'm on the road, but rarely do I do so at home. Perhaps posting my prints on Etsy will encourage me to bust out the camera (the real camera, not just the one on my iphone) and shoot close to home instead of waiting to travel to do so.

I think one reason I haven't shown my photographs to very many people or made any attempt to show my
photographic work in a gallery is because it seems everyone thinks they're a photographer now. With the

advent of digital cameras and smart phones putting cameras at every person's fingertips, the role of the professional photographer has been diminished. It's great that we all have the means to document the world around us but I don't think that should discount the fact that some people have a natural eye for framing a shot or picking out an interesting scene. In any case, it's not stopping me from shooting and now, here I am, putting it out there.

Open for Business

It took me a long time, almost two years, in fact, to finally take this handy little Zutter binding machine out of its box and learn how to use it. I don't know what I was waiting for. I mean, it's pink. And tiny. How intimidating could it be? But I thought it might be difficult and frustrating to learn how to use it, so I just didn't use it at all. It couldn't have been easier, though. I just watched the brief instructional DVD it came with and I was almost immediately spiral binding like a pro.


Learning how to use the binding machine coincided with finally re-opening my Etsy shop. It's been closed since my back surgery a year and a half ago. I was thinking about re-opening it for quite some and I was racking my brain trying to think of new product ideas to re-launch with. But instead of holding out for theoretical new products, I decided to just start where I was, and I reopened the shop with the remaining inventory I had kicking around from when I shut it down in January of 2012. The re-opening of my shop proved to be inspiring, hence digging out the binding machine. I got to work making a bunch of these adorable mini spiral bound notebooks, which you can snap up in my shop for a mere $10. More designs and sizes are soon to come.

I'm Back

A lot has happened since my last post. Despite my silence here I've actually been more productive than I have been in a long time, possibly ever. Last summer I took several workshops at the Morgan Conservatory and I just completed another last month. They taught me lots of new skills and transformed my work, which is the reason I keep going back there year after year for these workshops. I don't know where I'd be without these workshops and without the Morgan.

Encaustic Lines (portfolio piece)

I also had work in two different shows. The first show was the Morgan's annual open house and silent auction. I have to say, it was the event of the year. Not only did I get to see my work in a gallery for the first time in too many years, but there was great food, music, and people. I also participated in Cleveland State University's annual People's Art Show. Since the show wasn't juried, there were hundreds of entries and everyone who applied got in. The art was displayed literally from floor to ceiling, covering every inch of bare wall. It was interesting to see the variety of work and there was a great turnout at the opening. I expect to do both of these shows next time around.

In other news, my husband and I bought a house and moved in January. I've never properly settled in anywhere we've lived before because I never saw the point in getting too comfortable when we would inevitably move again. I always joked that I was probably the only artist around who had bare walls. But now that we have our own place I have settled quickly and completely, the urge to nest has taken me over. There's plenty of art on the walls, there's a place for everything, and I feel so safe and comfortable there. As soon as we looked at the place I knew we had to buy it. It just felt right. Not only did it seem like a miracle to get out of our previous living situation, having a place of our own has been really good for my creativity. Now that I've got a permanent, comfortable place for my studio, I feel there's no stopping me.

Home Sweet Home

 In addition to buying my first home, which is a milestone in its own right, I also applied to graduate school. Although I already have my Master's degree in Library and Information Science, I always said that some day I wanted to go back and get my Master's of Fine Arts. Dissatisfaction with my job and a perpetual lack of other opportunities made me decide that there was no time like the present. So, in the midst of packing and moving from our apartment, I was able to somehow get my act together and submit a portfolio and application to Kent State. And luckily, they liked what I had to show them. I was accepted into their Textiles program for this coming Fall, which is equal parts exciting and terrifying. It's going to be a struggle financially and I'm going to be insanely busy with both school and work, and it's going to take forever, since I can only afford to go part time (more student loan debt is NOT an option) but I know it's going to be worth it. It's become so clear to me that the right thing to do is follow my passion.

Abaca Fiber Horn (portfolio piece)

If there's anything the last six months or so have taught me is that things can change so quickly. A year ago I was miserable. I hated my job, I couldn't stand my living situation, and I was clinically depressed. But now I have a home of my own, I have graduate school to look forward to, and I'm happier now than I've ever been. I still hate my job but with school starting in just under two months, my focus has shifted and I've become more mindful of all the positive things in my life. I think this is the start of many good things.

Rembrandt

Cleveland Museum of Art

Friday was the best kind of Cleveland day there is: I had the day off, the weather was spectacular, with blue skies and a cool breeze, and there were fun things happening. I started the morning off by meeting up with my Aunt at the Cleveland Museum of Art, where she treated me to the Rembrandt exhibit, followed by a delicious lunch of tortellini, stromboli, and cannoli, Oh My!

 I don't know much about the Dutch masters, Rembrandt included. I'll come right out and admit that I paid very little attention in my art history classes and the details are fuzzy on the things I did bother to learn.Contemporary art is my thing, to be honest, and the older stuff doesn't usually capture my attention for very long. I can recognize the skill and talent that went into some of those paintings, but that's about it. I think sometimes older work is hard to appreciate because it was created in a time and place so different than the one we live in. It's a sort of cultural dissonance and it's hard to bridge that gap without delving into the history of that time itself, learning something of who the artist was and where they came from. Sometimes, though, the beauty of a piece can make it so that the context it was created in need not be understood to enjoy it, the piece stands alone. That's how the Rembrandt paintings were. And, as an added bonus, after seeing these master works, I'm interested in learning more about the artist.

 

 Admission to the Rembrandt exhibit at the Cleveland Museum of Art included a free audio tour along with it. They give you these little cell phone things that you punch numbers into to hear different facts about the paintings in the gallery.One of the most fascinating things I learned was that Rembrandt ran a studio where he taught many artists and some of the pieces these artists made were represented in this exhibit. Obviously, many of the paintings were done by Rembrandt himself but some of the paintings in the show were done in the style of Rembrandt by his students, and some are attributed to either Rembrandt or his students but it's still up for debate. It was pointed out that the value of having such an exhibition, is that seeing these paintings side-by-side may shed new light on the authenticity of some of them. Essentially, it allows them to be studied together. Certainly Rembrandt has a style. His portraits, while typically painted in muted tones, absolutely glow. They're seemingly lit from within. The paintings done by the artists studying under the master are missing that powerful quality that just make the Rembrandt images pop. It's a detail that might not be so obvious if the works were not viewed in person and at the same time.

Anyway, if you're in the Cleveland area and are looking for visual and artistic stimulation, I recommend checking out the Rembrandt exhibit. It includes both paintings and a collection of prints on loan from the Morgan Library and Museum. You won't be disappointed. But hurry, because it's only on display through May 28th.

Ann Arbor

 I took a little road trip this past Friday to Ann Arbor, Michigan, in celebration of my birthday, which was on Sunday, and just for an excuse to get out of town. A change of scenery is always refreshing. Last year I was in Paris for my birthday and, although Ann Arbor is no Paris, it's not without considerable charm. In fact, it's pretty wonderful as far as Midwestern college towns go. This was the third time I've been to Ann Arbor and I expect I'll keep going back.In fact, each subsequent visit elicits from me exclamations of intentions to move there. Everything is so lovely and vine-covered!

The drive from Cleveland to Ann Arbor is just shy of three hours, not too bad for a day trip. It's a very walkable,  artsy place and there's plenty to see and there are lots of good things to eat. My first stop was Zingerman's Delicatessen, a sandwich shop that puts all other sandwich shops to shame. If I were on death row, I'd get a Zingerman's sandwich for my last meal. Though there was a long line, it went quickly and the staff came by to feed us samples of bacon and cheese while we waited. Imagine if every line you waited in guaranteed you bacon and cheese samples! Sure, we'd all be fatter but wouldn't we also be happier? After perusing the lengthy menu and fretting over making the right decision, I finally settled on #23: delicious, hand-cut Amish chicken salad with some of that lovely applewood smoked bacon I had a sample of, with mayo, onion, and celery on challah bread. The husband got #61, a BLT made with Arkansas peppered bacon and Vermont cheddar served on farm bread that was toasted to heavenly perfection. We split a side of some mouth-watering lemon couscous and I finished the meal off with a chocolate cupcake with espresso buttercream frosting, which I inhaled too quickly to take a picture of. I can assure you it both looked and tasted amazing.

Selection of Papers From Hollander's

Our next stop was Hollander's, the holy grail of paper stores. I thought I would literally pass out from the excitement of seeing their huge, beautiful collection of fine and decorative papers and bookbinding supplies. My pulse quickened at the sight of it all. It took some serious self-restraint not to buy way more than I needed. I could spend hours ( in the place and I would if it weren't for my husband politely telling me that he was getting terribly bored and antsy. I guess we can't all be bookbinding/paper nerds. After spending quite some time perusing the inventory, I finally made my selections and purchased some lovely paper, including Egyptian papyrus, banana leaf, and cork skin papers. I also couldn't stop myself from buying a new, teeny-tiny bone folder (too cute to resist), which was far less expensive than the Japanese hand drill I've been drooling over. Before I became interested in book and paper arts, I never gave much thought to the tools I used in my art making. Now my heart is set aflutter at the sight of a nice glue brush. It's something that most people won't ever understand. Anyhow, I left pleased with my choices and I can't wait to start making things with my new stash of paper.

Violin Monster

 Probably the most entertaining aspect of the trip was my encounter with the Violin Monster. We happened upon him while wandering around downtown. Who wouldn't love a violin playing, street performing werewolf? He howls when you throw money in his case (hilarious!) but, apparently, it has gotten him into trouble, as of late. I think his act is wonderful and I hope he keeps up the good work. If you ever find yourself in downtown Ann Arbor, seek him out. You won't be disappointed.

 After walking around for quite some time, we were lured into the Tea Haus by our thirst and the gigantic sign promising macarons. I didn't even realize how terribly thirsty I was until a giant, sweaty glass of blood orange iced tea was set down in front of me and the macarons were fantastic, despite their slight squishyness due to the humidity. I had one green tea matcha, one strawberry black tea, and one lavender flavored macaron. Just writing this is making me want another.

 

We spent the rest of the afternoon popping into different shops and had some cider and pizza before heading home to Cleveland. I watched the sun set from the passenger side window and thought about what a good day it was. By the time we got home it was time for bed already and I slept soundly, exhaustion and happiness being the best sleep aid.